an idea for direction

I haven't posted much yet. Not that it matters since no one reads this particular blog, but the other day I had something of an epiphany*. I love many things, but my love of lists and quotes far outweighs any other objects of my affections. Therefore, I am going to (I hope) post a weekly reflection on a quotation and a list of some sort. No promises on consistency.

*Something you may already know: The Origin of Epiphany: From the Greek term "epiphaneia," it means when something manifests itself suddenly, often used to describe the sunrise. You can kind of see the light coming, but when it does - The sun hits you with a brilliance greater than you could have expected.

We see what we want to see

Last week hypocrisy struck my face and I started to see it everywhere.
I found it under the surface of the smiles and frowns of strangers.
I found it passed in a bill by the senate.
I found it on the screen of a favorite movie.
I found it within the pages of my beloved books.
I found it behind to remarks of family and friends.
I found it hiding in the recesses of my own heart and mind.
I listened to their lies and told a few myself until the facade enveloped my vision and I had to close my eyes.

Yesterday I combated my disillusion by seeking kindness and compassion.
I found it shining through my window at morning.
I found it posted on the internet.
I found it singing a tune on the radio.
I found it interviewing an earthquake victim.
I found it whispered in conversation with friends.
I found it wrapped in reassuring hugs from a loved one.
I found it transforming the desires of my heart, mind, and soul.
I felt the bitterness I had harbored dissolve as it was slowly replaced by the renewed hope in my dreams and I blinked at their beauty.

How can I be so fickle? Am limited by the scope of my quest? How much would I see if I looked for more than what I want?

This week I choose to look for love.

What I saw this week

As I experiment with the content of this blog, I thought I might try a weekly review of some of the things my attentions were drawn to this week.

To begin, I saw two fabulous old films. Both were recommendations from Netflix, so I think their computer-generated understanding of my viewing preferences is improving. Score one for the profilers.

First, I saw Wait Until Dark, a great thriller with perfect performances from all its leads. With the majority of the action taking place in an apartment, the movie makes excellent use of such a confined space. (I thought only Hitchcock could manage such a feat.) The plot builds perfectly towards its climax while we watch our blind protagonist realize more and more of the truth regarding her situation. The final few minutes of the film were sure to have a great impact on its initial audiences. If only I had seen this movie in a theater. I recommend you watch it on the biggest TV possible and turn out all the lights when you do.

As I continued to see more and more classic movies, I knew it was only a matter of time before I saw The Heiress, and know why it won four Oscars. I now completely understand why Olivia de Havilland and Montgomery Cliff had such success. Everything in this movie worked for me despite that fact I didn't like a single character (as irrelevant as my personal viewpoint is). I was mesmerized by the perfect facial expressions on Miss Sloper as she is transformed from an ignorant, naive, and shy girl into a cold, cruel, and calculating woman.

Movies from the 40s, 50s, and 60s open up new worlds of thought for those who pay attention. I am always looking for another great movie to expand my understanding.

a few questions

1. Why is it the hotter and more intense the fire is, the shorter its existence?

2. Why doesn't intensity last?

3. Why are people often ignorant of a small, long-lasting flame, but are drawn to the fierceness of a giant bonfire, despite its brevity?

4. Can the light in me be useful without burning out too soon?

Late, but joining the party anyway

My entire life I have felt just a little bit behind. I didn't learn to walk until several months past my first birthday. I didn't get a snap bracelet until the end of kindergarten. I didn't join the softball team until 5th grade. I didn't start a diary until 9th. I didn't decide to pursue speech or drama until 11th. I didn't really know what I wanted to major in until I finished my freshman year at college. I didn't have a boyfriend until my junior year. I graduated over a year ago, but still don't have a job in my field. And finally today, I decided to see what the appeal of a blog might be, even though online journals have been around since people used Netscape as their browser.

Why today? (I hear my imaginary audience ask.) The answer is best kept to three parts. Well, I don't know if three is best, but I tend to believe anything worth rationalizing should have three supporting reasons.

First, I felt the need for a sense of accountability. Not that I feel incredibly liable for what I say, but as you have the opportunity to post comments, perhaps I will tread more softly when I state an opinion. Second, I need to practice writing for an audience. Thus far, I have written for one person--myself. I have selfishly explored the thoughts in my head on hidden journals which are written in barely legible cursive so if they (heaven forbid!) are ever found, the trespassing snooper will have to strain to read their contents. Third, after following several blogs the last couple years, I am quite simply, curious. They seem to have fun; they seem to grow as writers; they make me smile; they make me think. So I ask the question - Am I capable of being a light, an influence, an instigator of positive reflection, or am I going to limit my thoughts to those I trust not to disagree?

The devil's advocate in my head insists I at least consider the ramifications of beginning this blog.
1. I don't generally share my thoughts with others for fear of revealing my naivety, ignorance, or prejudice.
2. I have never been able to successfully proofread my own writing. This blog will be riddled with errors the perfectionist in me will be aghast to find.
3. I won't be consistent in posting anyway.

Duly noted.

Nonetheless, I ignore my reservations and fears regarding this new forum for my thoughts and quietly join those who have gone before to blaze the trail and have found their catharsis in blogging.



Something you may already know: The origin of "devil's advocate":

In the Roman Catholic church, this was the person designated to critically examine the life of and miracles attributed to an individual proposed for beatification or canonization. He was popularly called the devil's advocate because his presentation of facts included everything unfavorable to the candidate. Pope Leo X, in the early 15th century, seems to have introduced the term, but Sixtus V formally established the office in 1587. The office was abolished when Pope John Paul II revised the canonization procedures in 1979.
(thanks Encyclopedia Britannica)