A list of my fears

In preface, I would say I'm not a very anxious person. Certain people take that for granted. My mother, for example, takes my relatively mellow personality to mean I never worry. She's wrong, and to prove it, I made a list once. Lately, my music shuffler has been favoring the following song, so I've thought about fear too much for my blog not to reflect on those ponderings.

The Rational:

*Being wrong
*Being a burden to people
*Never becoming the person I want to be
*Being blind to a person in need
*Offending someone who won't tell me
*Getting cancer


The Not-so-Rational:

*Bugs crawling into my ears at night
*Going blind or deaf
*Street gutters (falling down one, breaking my ankle in one, a monster/big snake coming out of one)
*That everyone around me is lying to me (when they say I'm smart, funny, interesting, etc.)

I like to think it's a manageable list. 

Day 25: The reason you believe you're still alive today

One reason? I think not. 

Here are a few of the reasons:

*God (and all things included)

*My parents love me and stopped me from doing stupid things

*I never rarely played with matches (one of many warnings)

*I drive responsibly (because my dad told me to)

*I have never fought in a war (because my mom wouldn't let me)

*I ate my vegetables

*Others fought/fight for me and my country (including my brother)

*The kindness of strangers (on whom I have always depended)

*DJ and Stephanie (Full House) made most of my mistakes for me

*I spend most of my time reading rather than partaking in other, more dangerous activities (like sky diving or horseback riding)

*I always park my car under a street light (luminescence scares away murderers, thieves and other unscrupulous characters - an email told me so)

*I chew my food slowly

*I don't live in a place with earthquakes or hurricanes, and tornadoes are relatively easy to avoid

*I'm still in my twenties

*Just lucky, I guess

Confession: I was bored and played with the font - it's still readable right?

Day 24: Make a playlist for someone and exlpain your choices

My sister and I are very different. I mentioned that previously. Everyone in my immediate family knows this. I've noticed, however, that people looking in from the outside cannot seem to get over our similarities. And we do have our ongoing jokes, our shared mannerisms, near-identical complexions (minus the freckles on my part), and the same color of brown framing our faces.

Still, our personalities and tastes are often as different as night and day. Music is a big example of where we diverge. Sure, we have some mutual appreciations (I've developed a playlist for that in case we're caught in the same car together), but the majority of my music she calls "trash," and most of her music I dub "cheese."

My biggest problem with her musical preference lies not in someone she likes, but rather in a group she does not. She hates The Beatles. I cannot seem to get over that. Who doesn't like The Beatles? She's crazy. Her defense: She says they sound too whinny and rough. She doesn't like the choppiness of some of their music and calls is old.

Warning: This is not a list of great Beatles covers (although some of them are pretty great). This list is intended to be ones my sister would like.

*To start, surprisingly we both like The Muppets. They covered several, but I like the jokes before this one the best. I don't, however, understand why they felt the need to include all the dogs.

80'stees.com has this on a tshirt!

*Across the Universe did its best to cover so many songs, but my favorite was when they used Oh Darling as part of an argument. Although, I think she would probably prefer the ones sung by Jim Sturgess.



*You've Got to Hide Your Love Away doesn't seem to have many good covers of it. But I did find one from Keane.



*Pesonally, I prefer Johnny Cash's version, but the sis doesn't appreciate him either, so I found a version of In My Life covered by Jason Mraz (who has a voice she likes).



*She's still warming up to Belle and Sebastian, but Here Comes the Sun is easy to get right. Coldplay and Rob Thomas also sing it pretty well.



*I think I am moving farther away from the type of musicians she likes, but I love Robin Williams and Bobby McFerrin's cover of Come Together.



*Across the Universe has been covered by some great artists, but Fiona Apple's version was great - I still think about Pleasantville when I hear it.



*If I Fell is one of my favorites, and I found this version a while ago.



Well, it ended up being a short playlist and I doubt she will like many of these versions either. She tends to like only artists who are still recording albums. It's sad, but I'm in the mood to cater. Any suggestions?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life

I've made mistakes. Some have taught me valuable lessons. Some were useless. One of my least favorite mantras is "no regrets." While I appreciate the value of experience, some things are best learned vicariously. My life has saved over and over again because I have seen the poor choices of others and avoided those choices myself. Still, I do wish I could have bypassed a few things. Rather than trying to pick one, however, I am going to resort to one of my lists.

Things I wish I hadn't done:

*Gone through a period of life listening to country music (I blame my JH softball coach)
*Watched the 3rd and 4th seasons of Heroes
*Skipped assignments in high school
*Kept an unprotected journal (my mother read it)
*Worn those pink jeans in grade school
*Waited so long to read Cry, the Beloved Country (and other amazing books)
*Taken the time I had with my grandpa for granted
*Committed myself to the major/career my parents preferred
*Quit taking piano lessons
*Ignored the litter on my walk today

If you can't learn from your mistakes, at least learn from your regrets.

Day 13: A band or artist who has gotten you through some tough times

Before responding I must voice a few concerns.

1. I'm not sure how many truly "hard times" I have faced. The hardest trial of my life so far has actually been watching other people face some tough realities and work their way through some difficulty.
2. Music is wonderful, but it's not going to be the difference between getting through a tough situation and giving up.
3. I listen to too many different artists and appreciate too many lyrics to give credit to just one. Therefore, I am going to make a list and I hope not to tread too much on the playlist topic still to come.

Music for when you're down:

Rachmaninoff - classical music filled with passion - I love getting lost in it. Just don't listen to Piano Concerto Number 2 - it will inevitably remind you of "All by Myself" which will defeat the purpose. Unless you wish to dwell, in that case, dwell away. This video is a humorous rendition illustrating some of his seemingly impossible chords.


Crooners - I don't know if it's because they included terrible puns in their lyrics, because they each had their own funny quirk, or because they loved to hear the sound of their voices too much, but I love them. Whether it's Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Dean Martin, Mel Torme, Sammy Davis Jr., Bing Crosby, or any other names Wikipedia might include, when I need I lift - I often turn to them. Escapism at it's best.

Smile - My favorite song from any crooner, I felt the need to include Nat King Cole's version (all others fall short). Sometimes peppy music seems cliche when you're feeling somber. This song is real, it's honest, and it's beautiful.


Brandi Carlile - I don't know if I would call her music uplifting (well, some of it is), but I would say I have gained much perspective listening to the ideas she explores through music. I keep coming back and back to it. I would have included a song of hers, but I couldn't decide which one.

Be Ok - Ingrid Michaelson has a way of making me smile. Also, this song was recorded in an effort to raise money for cancer research. In that context it gains greater meaning, because when dealing with certain burdens the goal is not to feel happy, but just to feel normal.


Details in the Fabric - I feel ridiculously girly for including a Jason Mraz song, but whenever I start to feel overwhelmed (instead of counting to ten) I just recall to mind the simple, but soothing lyrics of this song.

That's Life - Michael Buble (yes, another crooner) singing an amazing song made famous by Sinatra. I love it. And don't worry, the image clears after a 15 seconds or so. It was hard to find a good version of the song on Youtube.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for

I have no spouse to get mushy over. I'm not raising a child I've nicknamed "light of my life." I'm close to family and friends, but there isn't a single person my mind is latching onto. I think this topic is fundamentally flawed. Therefore, I will rely on a quote and make a list of some great people.

The quote - well, it's actually a song lyric. It's a list of people an things thanking them because "They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today." While the song is not particularly profound or enduring, I found it fitting for the occasion. (The link will send you to youtube is you wanted to hear/see it. I realize not everyone will appreciate the artist, sorry.)

Second, the list - people who've shown me how to live:

*My parents (Dad for teaching me to laugh and over-analyze, and Mom who pushed me to do the things she deemed important - and was usually right about)
*My teachers (Even the boring ones teaching science, but mostly the English and Social Studies ones)
*My grandparents (I still have 3 of the 4 and I cherish every minute I can spend with them)
*My close childhood friends (although the memories are now fuzzy)
*My high school friends from band and choir (yeah, I was a bit of a geek)
*My college roommates (I learned so much about people and the habits from them)
*My friends via major (United by our classes and projects)
*My friends via work (United by complaints and shared struggles)
*My friends via interests (United by mutual appreciations - occasionally overlaping from previous groups of friends)
*My favorite authors (For all the wisdom I've gleaned)
*The authors I've forgotten, but whose words I've taken to heart
*Great people of the past and present (the kind who make it into textbooks and TED discussions and inspire people to do more)

Part of me wants to include everyone I've ever met, seen, read, or heard about, because everyone has had some sort of impact. But I believe I have written enough tonight.

What people have made an impact on you?

A list of people I love to follow on Twitter

I'm relatively new to Twitter. I wasn't going to jump on that bandwagon, but then I saw a TED talk and warmed up to the concept. Then I thought about how great it would be to receive news updates while I'm online. I also thought about how well I could keep track of the musicians I love. Finally, I broke down and got a twitter account.


Now I follow (gasp) 92 people/groups and actually know a few breaking news stories before my dad (something I've been working on for years). I have also found some very amusing, intriguing, and inspiring people to follow. So, I decided to make a list.

*Deppisch - I don't know who he is, but he can be hilarious. Example: "He wasn't playing a piano, but "Sing us a song, you're the harpsichord playing guy." didn't have the same ring. #RockRetractions."
*Book of Odds - I never know where their links will take me, but it's always interesting.
*Yesterday Today -  Appeals to the history buff in me. They send a few tweets everyday of things that happened on the same date, only maybe a hundred years ago.
*XIANITY - It's better to follow if you are part of those various religious circles with laughable quirks - but hilarious in general.
*SoulPanake - I'm not sure where I found this site, but thanks to whoever sent me there. Latest: "Is a slinky by any other name still a slinky?"
*Arjunbasu - By far my favorite guy to follow. He tweets mini-stories. Consistently impressive. Example: "The sadness in the room was pervasive, like humidity. There had been no closure. Just unfulfilled desire in the form of an empty cookie jar." 

*BestFilmQuotes - Because I love quotes and because I love movies. Best one I've found.
*Bright Quotes - Quotes that make me feel smarter.
*Paste Magazine - My favorite place to find new artists. Also, my friend interned there.
*Fake AP Stylebook - Humorous, fake writing tips. Love it.
*Paulo Coelho - Constantly amazes me with his depth of compassion, kindness, and wisdom. Everyone should read at least one of his books.


Who do you love? 'Twould be better to follow 100 people than a mere 92.

A Vicarious Kleptomaniac

I suppress many of the urges I feel. When people say dumb things, I stop myself from saying some biting comment that will make them feel as stupid and they sounded. Whenever I see a lawn sprinkler, I hold back the desire to jump through it - especially if I'm wearing a thin/white t-shirt. And often, I have found the need to resist the impulse of taking something unattended - no matter how valuable. It doesn't matter if the item in question is a necklace or a snazzy paperclip - if no one is watching, I am tempted to take. Luckily, I have a tremendously overactive conscious which enables me to control myself - knowing I will only feel guilty later.

Still, I have lately come to see another way I vent this yearning to break the 8th commandment. I watch movies. I started thinking about all the Heist/Caper/Con Artist films I've seen and I was amazed. So, I am making a list of some of my favorites here. (I see no need to distinguish a heist from a con, so they are all included - I think the main difference is whether the focus is on the thief or the theft, but anyway . . . )


*The Sting - too much to say, just watch
*21 - read the book if the movie let you down
*Catch Me if You Can - read the book even if you did like the movie
*Matchstick Men - wow, just wow
*To Catch a Thief - Hitchcock should have made more of these
*Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels - hilarious


 *Oceans 11, 12, 13 and original rat pack film - all great! (well, 12 was ok)
*The Brother's Bloom - fabulous
*The Thomas Crown Affair - the reason I love Magritte
*The Usual Suspects - Who is Keyser Soze?


*How to Steal a Million - I intend to use a boomerang in all my future heists
*Sneakers - so underrated
*Entrapment - despite the odd romance
*The Italian Job - refering to the remake, but the original's good too

Also, TV Shows
*Leverage
*Hustle

And that doesn't include all the shows and movies that involve stealing (i.e. any espionage or pirate movie ever made).

I'm obsessed, but at least it's a victimless habit - I think.

A list of things that make me smile

(I felt my posts were a little too heavy as of late)

*a witty turn of phrase
*grand gestures from a neighboring car
*swerving to hit a puddle (carefully, of course)
*a tree full of new, little green buds
*a fresh cup of coffee
*seeing somebody rocking out on a guitar
*a poorly sung national anthem or Christmas carol
*an elderly couple holding hands
*a toddler riding atop her father's shoulders
*skipping through a parking lot
*the tentative wave of child just getting used to the concept
*the sound of a gospel choir
*a soft breeze hitting my face
*gentle rays of sunshine warming my neck
*a realization of something I am sure others know, but I learned without being told
*when a child sits on my lap and hands me a book without a word of explanation
*visiting a park in order to jog, but deciding to swing instead

Something you may have already heard: "When I look out at the people and they look at me and they're smiling, then I know that I'm loved. That is the time when I have no worries, no problems. " ~Etta James

A list of things I've lost

*Dozens of socks
*Hundreds of pens and pencils
*My ability to play flawless scales on the flute and piano
*Several books (mainly due to lending them to "friends")
*My ability to trust people
*My fluency in Spanish
*Half of each of my front two teeth
*Most of the softball games I've played (not my fault . . . not entirely at least)
*Most of my innocence
*Several naive viewpoints (still clinging to a few)
*Hours whilst playing RPGs (a weakness, I admit)
*Anything I once saved on a floppy disk
*My friends from high school
*My favorite pair of earrings, sunglasses, and pants
*All those Pogs I collected in grade school
*My first kiss
*Countless tears
*Clear direction for the rest of my life


P.S. (My ability to read long, boring works of fiction in their entirety - I blame Cliffsnotes)

A list showing why my grandmother won't be decorating my apartment

My Grandparents have lived at the same address my entire life (and I don't expect them to move). Once or twice a year, my family and I make the seven-hour journey to their home. I have celebrated birthdays there. I have opened Christmas presents there. I enjoyed the majority of my 13th summer there. It is never long before we make plans for our next visit.

Consequently, I am quite familiar with their humble, brick abode. I have grown accustomed to the windowless, pitch-black rooms of the basement, the creepy, but well-lit doll room upstairs, and the toilet in the middle of the laundry room. I have adjusted to the creaky floor-boards, the odd feel of the water, and the frighteningly low ceiling fans.

But the familiarity of the place has caused me to overlook the peculiarity of several smaller objects. I took my grandmother's trinkets for granted . . . until our latest trip. My sister and I were joking about the dolls (again), and as though a veil had lifted, we started to see all the unusual objects my grandmother had not only collected, but also proudly displayed. Inspired, I snapped a few pictures, and share them now with you.



First, a sampling of the dolls - In the room upstairs, they line the walls. I count myself lucky to have a mere dresser top of them next to my bedside.




Second, a praying dinosaur - I had to ask about this one. Apparently my great-grandmother made it, presumably for one of my uncles. I can only guess what she was thinking. (Maybe . . . boys like dinosaurs . . . Baptists like prayer . . . Baptist grandsons like praying dinosaurs?)





Third, I don't know what this is - a crocheting project? You tell me. I'm not sure even Dr. Seuss could have envisioned this guy.





Fourth, a frog vase - looks like it was made for pencils or suckers, but when Grandma is in charge, he gets fake flowers put in his head.






Fifth, baskets with greenery - I don't mind the baskets, but I'm not sure the dusty lines of leaves are working for me. Notice the white bear on the right - for some reason I actually like his inclusion.




Sixth, a mismatched shelf - several of these can be seen, but I found this delightful arrangement of lamps, hats, baskets, and dolls to be a fabulous example.



Seventh, one of Grandpa's hats - these literally hang around the house. This one appeared when I shut the door and was surprised to see such a statement come from the corner. If only I could find a hat that concurs or dissents to hang nearby next visit.




Eighth, a wreath and a basket - Although it seemed odd to find it hanging on the middle of a bedroom wall, I think the combination is laudable.




Ninth, Raggedy Ann and Andy - Again, this pair can be found in various forms throughout the house, but I appreciated the over-sized heads on this duo the best.



Tenth, the couch - Pottery Barn can't touch the craftsmanship here. This comfy three-seater has been a favorite of mine for years. I've watched movies on it, played video games on it, and slept on it. I will cry if this couch ever disappears.

The negatives: A list of things I don't like

(This list seemed a natural choice to follow up the last one)

*Fake flowers or plants
*Good-byes
*Clingy people
*When people catch me singing/talking to myself
*Expectations/Obligations
*Animals - especially birds - in cages (see below)
*Frivolous/Flighty/Flaky girls or women
*Arrogant/Inconsiderate/Obsessed boys or men
*The question "how are you?"
*Not knowing what to say to someone I haven't seen in a while
*Clarinets and Oboes
*Extremes - especially in regards to emotion or opinion
*Picking favorites of things
*Movies made for shock value
*The fact I need to sleep (so much wasted time)
*When my face is flushed
*When I'm so nervous I shake
*Not knowing a good way to end something



Something you may already know: I learned not too long ago that when you keep a bird as a pet, it is necessary to have it's wings clipped - but not just to keep it from escaping. When birds who don't normally fly try to, they end up running in to walls or windows which can hurt/kill them. So, if you take away their freedom, you must also take away their flight.

A list of things I like

(I am starting simple with this list idea)

*Music - especially Rachmaninoff, Classical with a cello featured, acoustic/folk music, feel-good oldies, strong melodies and lyrics, and intriguing chord progressions
*Movies - anything that will intrigue me, make me see something in a new way, laugh out loud, smile several days after watching it, and surprise me
*Books - particularly those with a unique voice, tongue-in-cheek sense of humor, strong characters, poetic-like prose, and quotability
*Photography - especially black and white, closeups of people, moments captured, or pictures of the ever-changing sky
*Questions that challenge my thinking
*Plays on words and phrases
*Coffee, chocolate, chips & salsa, peanut butter, cheese and crackers, and I had better stop with the food . . .
*Pretending I know more than I do about something
*Inside/on-going jokes
*Playing piano when no one is listening
*Explaining things
*Eyes, smiles, strong arms and hands, dark hair (sigh)
*Trumpets, saxophones, guitars, cellos
*Imagery concerning light
*Listening to intelligent (not pretentious) conversation
*Reading aloud
*Finishing things