Acceptance (the good and the bad)

I find myself going back and forth regarding society's obsession with acceptance.

One the one hand, something should be said about loving people for who they are - flaws included. So what if my friend is a tad rude before noon? Who cares if my brother doesn't remember half the things I tell him? I can smile at my mother's constant stream of unsolicited advice because I love her.


Also, our perceptions need continual improvement - it's easy to judge when we don't understand. Differences are hard to ignore and often difficult to appreciate. We are too easily trapped by what we have grown accustomed to. Too quick to favor what we've seen since childhood. I wonder what beautiful things we would see if we weren't distracted what makes them dissimilar.

                However

Sometimes I hate when popular opinion forces me to accept everyone. Giving every personality, every lifestyle, every outlying theory automatic validity simply because it exists is foolish. People have gotten too good at justifying selfish habits, supporting ludicrous claims, and building a defense for every character flaw they have.

People have learned to thrive on acceptance, because it relieves them from feelings of guilt. We act as though guilt is an enemy to truth, when often it is the light we need to see it. I can eat all the cookies I want if the guy who loves me is willing to accept my being overweight. I suppose this point is what makes love and acceptance to very different things. We can love someone without accepting their faults. We love them by urging them to improve. Isn't that the point of relationships? We learn from one another. We grow. We change.

Acceptance dispels the need for action. It just makes us feel better. It alleviates discomfort.

Love - the kind that withholds judgment, but speaks up when it sees someone faltering - is what society needs, not acceptance.


To borrow a quotation from Junebug: 

God loves you just the way you are. But He loves you too much to let you stay that way.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself

This topic was harder. I hit a wall earlier today. I gave up for a while, but now I'm back and hoping to finish in the next hour and 45 minutes, because that's all the time left before today turns into tomorrow. Clearly, I am much more comfortable with self-deprecation than self-love.

I did, however figure out something I love - my musical abilities. Before you set your expectations too high though, I should tell you I am no virtuoso. I have no intention of pursuing music as a career or even as a hobby. I can sing, but only in the shower, in a car, or in a choir. I play the flute, but not very often. And I can play around on the piano, but only when I'm alone. That's it. Musically, I would say I'm above average, but nothing to get excited about.

For a long time I wished to be more musically gifted. I daydreamed about having a high ranging soprano voice just perfect for the lead in The Phantom of the Opera, but in reality, I never made it out of the alto section. I was the first chair flutist (no laughs please) throughout high school, but never good enough to make all-state. I wanted to be skilled enough at the piano to at least play Jessica's Theme from The Man from Snowy River with ease, but could never do it justice.

But over the last year I haven't felt the need for more. I could never make it as a performer (I doubt I could make it through a karaoke tune). Sure, I like recognition and applause, but not from large audiences. What I do love is my ability to read music easily, carry a tune, improvise some harmony, and appreciate a variety of musical styles.

I haven't studied too much musical theory, but I can hold my own while conversing with a music major. I don't completely understand what Pandora means when it describes a song with the terms "extensive vamping," but I can recognize influences and identify chord progressions. I like the balance I have found in appreciating technical elements and just listening to music for fun.

I've met people who couldn't tell you the difference between a major and a minor key, or find middle C on the piano, and I've met people (like my dad) who can't appreciate a song if the singer's voice is too untrained. I think my musical abilities and limitations have given me a balanced appreciation for music. That is something I love.


*Oh, I looked up vamping. It's no longer a mystery.

I love myself; I hate myself -
the two switch places all the time.
Trapped by both, I struggle
to find balance of some kind.

I know I'm wrong,
but you're not right.
I'll disagree -
if just for spite.

You offer help to change my faults,
but I'm too injured by your tone.
So I'll defend them to the death -
give up and please leave me alone.

The one who stays
despite that shove,
will prove to me
the truth of love.

We see what we want to see

Last week hypocrisy struck my face and I started to see it everywhere.
I found it under the surface of the smiles and frowns of strangers.
I found it passed in a bill by the senate.
I found it on the screen of a favorite movie.
I found it within the pages of my beloved books.
I found it behind to remarks of family and friends.
I found it hiding in the recesses of my own heart and mind.
I listened to their lies and told a few myself until the facade enveloped my vision and I had to close my eyes.

Yesterday I combated my disillusion by seeking kindness and compassion.
I found it shining through my window at morning.
I found it posted on the internet.
I found it singing a tune on the radio.
I found it interviewing an earthquake victim.
I found it whispered in conversation with friends.
I found it wrapped in reassuring hugs from a loved one.
I found it transforming the desires of my heart, mind, and soul.
I felt the bitterness I had harbored dissolve as it was slowly replaced by the renewed hope in my dreams and I blinked at their beauty.

How can I be so fickle? Am limited by the scope of my quest? How much would I see if I looked for more than what I want?

This week I choose to look for love.