Wow, I think someone noticed another one of my character flaws. Almost every relationship in my life has ended this way. I haven't lost many people to death (something I am deeply grateful for); I haven't parted ways with someone after an intense argument revealing "irreconcilable differences" and considering the amazing ability we have through technology to keep in touch with anyone, anywhere, I can't honestly say I somehow "lost contact" with someone. I could probably find them on facebook if I really wanted.
So drifting is the way in which I tend to lose people. Any close friend from high school would make the list of drifters. I tried to convince myself that graduation wouldn't mean good-bye, but once I had been gone a couple years, I realized how little I had in common with those friends. I think we were merely united by experience. We witnessed the same bullying, listened to the same teachers, and struggled through the same assignments. After school, however, we had different experiences which changed us just enough so that we can no longer relate the way we used to.
Most college friends have drifted too. I had several roommates, but keep in contact with just one. Considering also that I was in 4 weddings due to college relationships, it's sad to think I have seen only one of those friends since (although I am not counting subsequent weddings). All in all, I keep up with 3 friends from college - a small number considering how close we once were. Again, I think we were united by situation and I just naturally clung to the people with whom I genuinely share similar interests.
If I'm close to family, it's because they insisted. My mother's family has this ridiculous habit of staying connected. They have made it a priority so it has happened. (Quick example: When I was asked out for the first time I got a call within a couple hours from my grandpa congratulating me. He had heard it from my grandma, who had heard it from my aunt, who had heard it from my other aunt who had heard it from my mom whom I had told, emphasizing that it wasn't a big deal. Did you follow that? Information travels fast.) You can't drift away from the family - they would never let you.
Again, I guess I wasn't specific, but I'm not much for naming names.
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
09 October 2010
Day 8: Someone who treated you poorly
After quite a bit of consideration, I actually thought of someone. I subbed at my old high school yesterday (odd, very odd indeed) and wandering through it's halls nostalgia reminded me of some drama from my freshman year in band.
Some background: my high school was/is small - consequently the band was/is too. In this setting, you don't have to be an amazing musician to be the best. You pretty much just have to practice - and practice is something the perfectionist in me insisted upon. Also, my freshman year was when Mr. W (pronounced Dub-ya) came. He was fresh out of college and full of ideals and enthusiasm. He was completely different from our previous director. Before him, we sat according to age - presumably the older band members would be the better players. But Mr. W had the crazy idea that we should have chair placements - determined by quick auditions. He arranged us according to (gasp) our skill level.
What I am trying to say, was I sat first chair as a freshman. As we know, flutists can occasionally be petty (though not nearly so much as the those who play the clarinet) so the demoted seniors and juniors didn't appreciate the new seating arrangement. Instead, however, of blaming their lack of practice, they directed their scorn at me. For two months I was confused by their glares and snide remarks. I'm a nice person. I smile a lot. I go out of my way to make people happy. But nothing seemed to work.
One day I overheard a conversation in the bathroom (apparently they didn't think to check the stalls before gossiping) and like a scene from the Disney Channel they started making fun of me. They said all these cruel, untrue, and exaggerated things that I would roll my eyes at now, but as a freshman it was hard to hold back crying until they left. After regaining my composure, I went back to the band room where a friend of mine noticed a rare tinge of sadness on my face. Caving under her pressure, I told her what had transpired. She reassured me that they were the horrible flutists, that they were stupid, and that it was just pathetic jealousy.
I realize now that jealousy was the obvious reason for their actions and it shouldn't have taken so long for me to figure it out. But as a freshman, I was completely oblivious to these kinds of things (I still tend to be a bit oblivious). The two seniors quit band the next semester and I haven't thought about them for a long time.
Looking back I understand their insecurity (because we all know jealousy is just insecurity directed at someone else). They had waited 3 years to be on the top, only to have the rug pulled out from under them by a new director and some freshman kid with ridiculous looking bangs. I hold no grudges; in fact, I'm tempted to find them and thank them for the revelation.
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What I am trying to say, was I sat first chair as a freshman. As we know, flutists can occasionally be petty (though not nearly so much as the those who play the clarinet) so the demoted seniors and juniors didn't appreciate the new seating arrangement. Instead, however, of blaming their lack of practice, they directed their scorn at me. For two months I was confused by their glares and snide remarks. I'm a nice person. I smile a lot. I go out of my way to make people happy. But nothing seemed to work.
One day I overheard a conversation in the bathroom (apparently they didn't think to check the stalls before gossiping) and like a scene from the Disney Channel they started making fun of me. They said all these cruel, untrue, and exaggerated things that I would roll my eyes at now, but as a freshman it was hard to hold back crying until they left. After regaining my composure, I went back to the band room where a friend of mine noticed a rare tinge of sadness on my face. Caving under her pressure, I told her what had transpired. She reassured me that they were the horrible flutists, that they were stupid, and that it was just pathetic jealousy.
I realize now that jealousy was the obvious reason for their actions and it shouldn't have taken so long for me to figure it out. But as a freshman, I was completely oblivious to these kinds of things (I still tend to be a bit oblivious). The two seniors quit band the next semester and I haven't thought about them for a long time.
Looking back I understand their insecurity (because we all know jealousy is just insecurity directed at someone else). They had waited 3 years to be on the top, only to have the rug pulled out from under them by a new director and some freshman kid with ridiculous looking bangs. I hold no grudges; in fact, I'm tempted to find them and thank them for the revelation.
08 October 2010
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for
I have no spouse to get mushy over. I'm not raising a child I've nicknamed "light of my life." I'm close to family and friends, but there isn't a single person my mind is latching onto. I think this topic is fundamentally flawed. Therefore, I will rely on a quote and make a list of some great people.
The quote - well, it's actually a song lyric. It's a list of people an things thanking them because "They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today." While the song is not particularly profound or enduring, I found it fitting for the occasion. (The link will send you to youtube is you wanted to hear/see it. I realize not everyone will appreciate the artist, sorry.)
Second, the list - people who've shown me how to live:
*My parents (Dad for teaching me to laugh and over-analyze, and Mom who pushed me to do the things she deemed important - and was usually right about)
*My teachers (Even the boring ones teaching science, but mostly the English and Social Studies ones)
*My grandparents (I still have 3 of the 4 and I cherish every minute I can spend with them)
*My close childhood friends (although the memories are now fuzzy)
*My high school friends from band and choir (yeah, I was a bit of a geek)
*My college roommates (I learned so much about people and the habits from them)
*My friends via major (United by our classes and projects)
*My friends via work (United by complaints and shared struggles)
*My friends via interests (United by mutual appreciations - occasionally overlaping from previous groups of friends)
*My favorite authors (For all the wisdom I've gleaned)
*The authors I've forgotten, but whose words I've taken to heart
*Great people of the past and present (the kind who make it into textbooks and TED discussions and inspire people to do more)
Part of me wants to include everyone I've ever met, seen, read, or heard about, because everyone has had some sort of impact. But I believe I have written enough tonight.
What people have made an impact on you?
The quote - well, it's actually a song lyric. It's a list of people an things thanking them because "They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today." While the song is not particularly profound or enduring, I found it fitting for the occasion. (The link will send you to youtube is you wanted to hear/see it. I realize not everyone will appreciate the artist, sorry.)
Second, the list - people who've shown me how to live:
*My parents (Dad for teaching me to laugh and over-analyze, and Mom who pushed me to do the things she deemed important - and was usually right about)
*My teachers (Even the boring ones teaching science, but mostly the English and Social Studies ones)
*My grandparents (I still have 3 of the 4 and I cherish every minute I can spend with them)
*My close childhood friends (although the memories are now fuzzy)
*My high school friends from band and choir (yeah, I was a bit of a geek)
*My college roommates (I learned so much about people and the habits from them)
*My friends via major (United by our classes and projects)
*My friends via work (United by complaints and shared struggles)
*My friends via interests (United by mutual appreciations - occasionally overlaping from previous groups of friends)
*My favorite authors (For all the wisdom I've gleaned)
*The authors I've forgotten, but whose words I've taken to heart
*Great people of the past and present (the kind who make it into textbooks and TED discussions and inspire people to do more)
Part of me wants to include everyone I've ever met, seen, read, or heard about, because everyone has had some sort of impact. But I believe I have written enough tonight.
What people have made an impact on you?
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