17 August 2010

A list of things that make me smile

(I felt my posts were a little too heavy as of late)

*a witty turn of phrase
*grand gestures from a neighboring car
*swerving to hit a puddle (carefully, of course)
*a tree full of new, little green buds
*a fresh cup of coffee
*seeing somebody rocking out on a guitar
*a poorly sung national anthem or Christmas carol
*an elderly couple holding hands
*a toddler riding atop her father's shoulders
*skipping through a parking lot
*the tentative wave of child just getting used to the concept
*the sound of a gospel choir
*a soft breeze hitting my face
*gentle rays of sunshine warming my neck
*a realization of something I am sure others know, but I learned without being told
*when a child sits on my lap and hands me a book without a word of explanation
*visiting a park in order to jog, but deciding to swing instead

Something you may have already heard: "When I look out at the people and they look at me and they're smiling, then I know that I'm loved. That is the time when I have no worries, no problems. " ~Etta James

16 August 2010

Tired Eyes

My smile hasn't reached my eyes today -
too much weighing on my thoughts.
My tears haven't touched the ground today -
I don't have the strength to cry.

I stare at the world through empty eyes -
forcing tone into my speech
a laugh,
a grin,
but always averting my eyes.

If they look for just one second -
really look,
I know they would see
and recognize the mask I'm hiding behind.

I can fake everything else,
but my eyes reveal the strain
from holding back all these fears
and all this pain.

If I lost control today I think
it would tear me apart,
and I don't have the energy to pick up the pieces -
at least not right now.

10 August 2010

A list of things I've lost

*Dozens of socks
*Hundreds of pens and pencils
*My ability to play flawless scales on the flute and piano
*Several books (mainly due to lending them to "friends")
*My ability to trust people
*My fluency in Spanish
*Half of each of my front two teeth
*Most of the softball games I've played (not my fault . . . not entirely at least)
*Most of my innocence
*Several naive viewpoints (still clinging to a few)
*Hours whilst playing RPGs (a weakness, I admit)
*Anything I once saved on a floppy disk
*My friends from high school
*My favorite pair of earrings, sunglasses, and pants
*All those Pogs I collected in grade school
*My first kiss
*Countless tears
*Clear direction for the rest of my life


P.S. (My ability to read long, boring works of fiction in their entirety - I blame Cliffsnotes)

01 August 2010

When the truth merely blinds

Before I write what I want to say - let me write a bit of a preface. I love truth. I am all about truth and telling people it's important - sometimes convincing people it exists (or at least attempting to convince). Without truth I would have no hope, this world would seem a purposeless wasteland. Okay, preface over.

Truth is often compared to light. It helps us see what we once could not. We don't like to journey into the unknown without it. But I have also found the truth blinding. It becomes a light so powerful we cannot avert our eyes. We lose sight of everything else because, at that moment, nothing else seems important.

People who fill themselves with nothing but truth often become as cold and blinding as the fluorescent bulbs at the dentist office. The Bible tells us Christ walked the earth full of grace and truth and the apostle Paul says to speak the truth in love. Truth is a beautiful thing when it is tempered with kindness and mercy, but a cruel and heartless belief when left alone.

Perhaps that's what is wrong with organized religion. It's cold because it merely thinks and acts rather than feels. Understanding isn't complete without empathy.

Yes, they have spoken accurately, but what are they ignoring while traveling down that tunnel of truth?

08 July 2010

A list showing why my grandmother won't be decorating my apartment

My Grandparents have lived at the same address my entire life (and I don't expect them to move). Once or twice a year, my family and I make the seven-hour journey to their home. I have celebrated birthdays there. I have opened Christmas presents there. I enjoyed the majority of my 13th summer there. It is never long before we make plans for our next visit.

Consequently, I am quite familiar with their humble, brick abode. I have grown accustomed to the windowless, pitch-black rooms of the basement, the creepy, but well-lit doll room upstairs, and the toilet in the middle of the laundry room. I have adjusted to the creaky floor-boards, the odd feel of the water, and the frighteningly low ceiling fans.

But the familiarity of the place has caused me to overlook the peculiarity of several smaller objects. I took my grandmother's trinkets for granted . . . until our latest trip. My sister and I were joking about the dolls (again), and as though a veil had lifted, we started to see all the unusual objects my grandmother had not only collected, but also proudly displayed. Inspired, I snapped a few pictures, and share them now with you.



First, a sampling of the dolls - In the room upstairs, they line the walls. I count myself lucky to have a mere dresser top of them next to my bedside.




Second, a praying dinosaur - I had to ask about this one. Apparently my great-grandmother made it, presumably for one of my uncles. I can only guess what she was thinking. (Maybe . . . boys like dinosaurs . . . Baptists like prayer . . . Baptist grandsons like praying dinosaurs?)





Third, I don't know what this is - a crocheting project? You tell me. I'm not sure even Dr. Seuss could have envisioned this guy.





Fourth, a frog vase - looks like it was made for pencils or suckers, but when Grandma is in charge, he gets fake flowers put in his head.






Fifth, baskets with greenery - I don't mind the baskets, but I'm not sure the dusty lines of leaves are working for me. Notice the white bear on the right - for some reason I actually like his inclusion.




Sixth, a mismatched shelf - several of these can be seen, but I found this delightful arrangement of lamps, hats, baskets, and dolls to be a fabulous example.



Seventh, one of Grandpa's hats - these literally hang around the house. This one appeared when I shut the door and was surprised to see such a statement come from the corner. If only I could find a hat that concurs or dissents to hang nearby next visit.




Eighth, a wreath and a basket - Although it seemed odd to find it hanging on the middle of a bedroom wall, I think the combination is laudable.




Ninth, Raggedy Ann and Andy - Again, this pair can be found in various forms throughout the house, but I appreciated the over-sized heads on this duo the best.



Tenth, the couch - Pottery Barn can't touch the craftsmanship here. This comfy three-seater has been a favorite of mine for years. I've watched movies on it, played video games on it, and slept on it. I will cry if this couch ever disappears.