02 October 2010

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself

Assuming I should come up with something I hate more than my nose, ignoring the fact it seems an odd way to start a self-reflective journey, and forcing myself to pick just one thing, I am going to say I hate that I'm slow. Not mentally slow (although I haven't ruled that option out), but rather slow to act, to respond, and to make decisions in general.

Don't ask me to plan an trip, pick a restaurant, or play chess. You'll hate me for taking too long. I'll hate you for making me decide. I'll hate myself for causing so much frustration. That's too much hate going on.

Sometimes I've tried to explain my hesitancy. I blame it on my need to please people. I don't want to make a decision you don't like, so why don't you choose? I'm not a picky person - I'll be happy if you're happy. I don't want to suggest a burger joint if you're in the mood for Italian. I like Italian too. I don't want to play Scrabble if you're in the mood for Monopoly. Sure, the latter choice would have used more of my vocabulary, but I'll get to be a business tycoon for a few hours.

I'm not a leader; I'm a follower (see my twitter account). But even though I use that to justify my indecisiveness, I still consider it a problem. I hide behind maxims like "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread," rather than confront my shortcomings. I have such an intense fear of being wrong, I often don't do anything at all. I hate that.

*Sorry about the lack of pictures, I didn't have time to find one that worked. Congrats to those who read the whole thing without the visual stimulus.

1 comment:

  1. I read the whole thing, so thank you! haha i can be pretty indecisive...sometimes i combat it by just making a decision, any decision and learning to just deal with the consequences. : ) it gets easier i think.